Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Double Digits

I hit a bit of milestone this week--I've now gained 10 pounds since becoming pregnant. At 18 weeks, 10 pounds is not overly excessive, but knowing that I'm only half-way through my pregnancy (not even) and that I will likely gain more weight near the end than I did at the beginning is kind of alarming.

One of my biggest challenges since becoming pregnant has been to come to terms with the fact that I will and need to put on weight. If you're a woman, you've spent most of your life believing that weight gain is negative, so to have that concept turned on its head just feels wrong. I might change my tune when I can't see my feet any more, but getting bigger has not bothered me so far. The weight has creeped on slowly, so it hasn't presented a physical challenge, and the only discernible changes to my body have been to my boobs and belly, so I still feel relatively good about my appearance. What really scares me is the idea that after the baby is born I will still be carrying around a lot of that extra weight. And I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that caring for a newborn is not a job for the fat and lazy. 

Experiencing the transformation that the body undergoes to grow a child has been amazing, but once I can take care of the baby on the outside, I can't imagine that I'm going to think my body is particularly miraculous. And eventhough I feel good about my body for the most part, I can't help but freak out a little by the number on the scale. It is almost certain that as I progress along in my pregnancy, I will hit a number I have never reached before. More than freshman fifteen and more than that year in law school when my roommates and I got really into watching Sopranos, eating pasta and drinking red wine.

Maybe coming to terms with unprecedented weight gain is yet another way to prepare for child birth: I need to just let go and accept what comes to pass. Still, I think I'll learn to let go while doing my regular work-outs and passing on the cookies...

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